"At the sight of the envelope......"

   At the sight of the envelope, I could not control my tears because what was contained in that envelope would undoubtedly break my heart.Three long and mostly wonderful years, I felt complete.I felt I could take over the world and that the skies would clear if I willed it so. Three years ago, I met John.John,such a common name,such a common face but but eyes that insisted otherwise and a smile that made everything in my life finally worth living for.

John,who made me feel so alive.John, who kept me happy and chased all my fears away.John,who left for war two months ago.John who is now nothing but a piece of paper packed in an envelope along with pity and despair.Why did he go,wasn't I making him happy?Questions run through my mind,leaving me blind.Two months ago when he told me about his plans to go to war, I was furious and frustrated and felt inferior. " I feel like I need to do more,to give back," he had said in a hurt voice at my disapproving response to his crazy request.




Not much has been said about the wives of men at war but let me tell you that all you can do is wait.Wait for the news spread on the front page of the newspaper or an insignificant little envelope which holds much of your world in it. I was,of course, reluctant about having him leave fearing his life and my mental health. The look in his eyes,unfazed and determined to carry out what he thought was right made arguing seem pointless.After all, who was I to stop him from fulfilling his dreams when he had fulfilled all of mine just by existing?

After a while of waiting,you either give up and move on or your worst fears become a horrible nightmare that consumes your life.Worst still than a nightmare because from this,there is no waking up.Three nights ago,an alarm was raised. Pictures of fire,despair and death flooded every news station on the television and everyone watched with glassy eyes and bated breath. A campsite where John was stationed had been sabotaged with bombs by an unknown enemy. Almost an entire team was killed. "Almost," they had said. Almost, I hoped with all I had.


Almost, I was sure it was not when I took in the morning letters and envelopes.Such an ugly thing. A little dog-eared envelope with faded ink. Such an ugly, little thing which contained the fate of my beautiful,dear John.Fate, funny four letters,grouped together proving to be so much more.Love, four even more funny letters,grouped together,but then again, so was John.Turns out that it is not like it is in the movies.There is no officer in uniform who knocks on your door and speaks the words to you.No one offers a shoulder to cry on.The only shoulders you have are that of your own which are wighed down with what must be the weight of the world.

I pick up the envelope,find the strength to rip it apart revealing the truth of what is left of John.The truth, I already knew so well.I close my eyes and wish that it would all go away but the truth is we can't run away. Life is funny that way,it shows that one tiny little envelope could be your fate.